Art, Life and Romance

Art, life and romance can, at times, get mangled up in this beautiful, tangled mess. And it not easy to see what’s going on when you’re in the midst of it.

This year I want to get a lot more “real” and honest on this blog. I don’t want it to just be about art and marketing and sales and tips and strategies, etc. etc.

I want to explore some of the things I’m going through, been through and things I want to explore further.

I’m closing in on being 50 quite soon (my next birthday April 1 I’ll be 49) and that doesn’t really qualify me for anything (except maybe AARP membership) only that I’ve been around for a while and seen some things and experienced some things.

For those of you who don’t know I got married sort of late in life (at age 40) I always did want to get married but had other issues I was struggling with (which I’ll reveal in later posts) and frankly, quite liked the freedom of being rather independent.

But I DID get married. I married the girl I took to the senior prom in high school. I met her almost 22 years later. It was pretty cool. I always thought about her and what she was doing but was involved with other crazy women during those times.

Through some strange consequences, we ended up meeting via a mutual friend (whom we both saw at a mutual friends funeral) and she told me that Cathy (my wife) really wanted to see me (she knew I was single and I heard she was divorced)

Long story short we ended up on our first date and it was really magical. I remember exactly what she was wearing when I met her all those years later. She had on this red, ribbed sweater white pants and these cool black shoes that we later jokingly called her “Pilgrim” shoes.

Anyway, she looked like the same kid I dated in high school. Even better. Just looked beautiful, healthy and happy. We ended up going to a local pub and just talking for hours. She was always real easy to talk with. It was a lovely, romantic evening.

And for the first time, in a really, really, long time, I felt calm. Like I could just be me. I think she gave me that space. It’s rather difficult to explain.

She was a single mom at that point with 3 boys. 2 were teenagers and the other was 8 years old. I knew she had children and it was really fun to meet them at a barbecue she had so I could have dinner and meet them all. Little did I realize all the fun that I was going to experience in the next 8 years!

So with all my consulting work (I do IT consulting, too) and work on Art Marketing Association, do my artwork, and other projects and my golf game, I have realized I have lost a bit of romance in my life. It’s become routinized to a degree. But my wife reminded be of this today and I realize that I have sort of neglected this area.

It just has been pushed off to the side. And as I began to think about I realized I’m not that romantic. I like to think I am but women really have a different view sometimes of what actually is romance. Is it a dinner? is it watching a football game together? Is it going shopping? I don’t think any of those quite qualify. So I need to dig deeper. And practice more.

I want to try to be more romantic but I realized I’ve forgotten what romance is. I shouldn’t say forgot – I just have neglected it. And you should hear me try to discuss it! I can’t even articulate it at all. Anything that comes out of my mouth just sounds stupid. And my wife can talk about this in such eloquent language. She really knows how to talk about what she needs, her feelings and what’s important to her.

Me, I just feel like a complete klutz. Incapable of uttering anything that makes any sense. And I realized I need to work on this. As much as I work on a blog or the AMA or any project or my golf game. My skills are rusty to say the least.

Maybe some of this is from my father, I’m not sure. He never really revealed much. That was a sign of weakness, I think. Otherwise you would have to become vulnerable in sharing your fears and weaknesses. I only witnessed a one-dimensional father, which to me is kinda sad.

But I don’t really want to follow that path. I want to be real. And honest. I have been scared and broke and lonely and depressed and ill and somehow am still around. I want to get better at being romantic. At understanding what women really need.

To understand what romance means. How to be more creative at it. How to show a vulnerable side of myself that has nothing to do with weakness, only strength. I want to become that person. To at least move toward it. Plan more, think more about it. Bring more light and consciousness to it. My wife and family deserve that.

If anyone has any ideas on being more romantic please feel free to share them. I don’t care if they’re quotes or books or programs or ideas, whatever.

Image above:
“L’aubade” 1967
oil on canvas.

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